Johnson Wouldn’t Have Signed Up To Northern Ireland Protocol If He Knew He’d Have To Honour It


LABELING the EU’s decision to take legal action over the UK government’s continued flagrant disregard for the Northern Ireland Protocol as ‘silly business’, PM Boris Johnson insisted he honestly wouldn’t have signed up to the ‘blasted thing’ if he was actually expected to honour it.

“Mea culpa, I feel ruddy well stupid, I had no idea the Gerrys, Frogs and Paddys actually read these things, what’s in this Northern Ireland Photo Call anyway?” continued Johnson in a media address from he is new specially constructed £2.6m Lies Briefing Room in Downing Street.

“I thought internationally binding agreements were a bit like fatherhood; optional and something you can walk way from at a moment’s notice?” continued Johnson, before adding that voluntarily signing Britain up to the Northern Ireland Protocol and then subsequently forcing it to voluntarily fuck off out of it was just typical of the meddling EU.

Formally taking legal action the European Commission vice-president Maroš Šefčovič accused London of departing from the rules of the protocol and of not implementing the measures agreed by both the UK and the EU, to which Johnson responded “yes, that does sound like something we’d do”.

Seeking to find a solution to the fractious outcomes resulting from the UK’s belligerence, Johnson, in a concilitory tone began chanting “two world wars, one world cup and a working vaccination rollout” before necking a can of Carling.