“There’s Only Two Bad Apples, Please Don’t Investigate Further” Horse Racing Industry Begs


THE ENTIRE horse racing industry has galloped over countless fences to rush to condemn a horse trainer and jockey pictured with dead horses in a bid to nip all the ‘this needs widespread investigation’ calls expressed by the public in the bud.

“Don’t bother launching a root and branch investigation into the industry, because it’d such a waste of your precious time, honestly, you’ll find nothing,” shared one panicked stable owner, frantically deleting all relevant photos and records while reminding previous and current employees to keep their mouths shut or else.

“Yup, just two bad apples, the rest of this glorious sport is clean as a whistle and pure as the performance enhancing substances we definitely don’t shove in our horses, just take my word for it,” said another trainer who makes 95% of his income training horses owned by that Gulf prince that kidnaps his own daughters.

Horse racing, widely regarded as an industry free of scandal with no need of further oversight by gullible people everywhere, faces more scrutiny and questions as a result of shocking images displaying a disregard for the very animals that provide them with their livelihoods.

“No, I think that’s the last of the dodgy goings on,” confirmed a group of stable owners. “As proof that the industry has nothing to hide please speak directly to our intimidating lawyers. And we’d like to remind people giving out that this industry makes too much money for any of this to have real consequences”.

Elsewhere, the Irish Horseracing Regulatory Board was said to be severely distraught by distressing images circulated online of people actually expecting the board to do its job.