“Bla Bla Bla Second Wave” Scoffs Exhausted Nation


THE SMALL minority of the Irish public still ignoring public safety messages and now putting the hard fought progress achieved by the majority at risk have been warned there will be a second wave of slaps handed out, WWN can reveal.

“Personally, I’ve got the message. It was probably after the 1,569th daily briefing. I just carry my hands around in a tub of hand sanitizer now, and this face mask is stitched into my skin,” confirmed one member of the public, who understands the importance of maintaining current guidelines, but fuck it, fuck it all.

CMO Dr Ronan Glynn required medical attention after turning blue in the face at the latest Covid-19 briefing from pleading with what experts have called a ‘small but not insignificant number of thundering eejits’.

The remaining portion of the population who are tired all the time and frankly fed up confirmed “yeah we get it, social distance, wash hands, no orgies, reduce contacts, no joy, or else a second wave” before grabbing a megaphone and yelling “what’s the story with the meat factories?” in the general direction of Leinster House.

Gloomily adhering to all the advice, an exhausted Irish public has reported even maintaining appropriate social distancing in their nightly dreams.

“Ryan Gosling giving me the glad eye, dying for the ride he was, but there I was in my own fecking dream saying ‘not tonight love unless your mickey is 2 metres long'” confirmed a member of the public, who can’t hack one more repetitive press briefing or she’ll go insane.