Local Man Tells Horrifying Ordeal Of Man After His Own Heart

A BRAVE MEMBER of the public is speaking out today in the hope of helping others. Sharing his story, Waterford man Paul Martens told WWN of a truly horrific incident during which a man relentlessly pursued his heart.

“We were all hanging out, and that’s when my friend introduced me to Niall,” explained Paul.

“He went for my heart almost instantly. I said ‘nice to meet you’ and he responded ‘yes, very nice’ in a Borat voice and I thought ‘yeah this lad is a bit of me. Gas craic’ but he just wouldn’t let up”.

What followed was a clear and concerted effort by one Niall Walton to go after Martens’ heart.

“He loved the same obscure movies I did, he thought Messi was overrated, he drank Bulmers pint bottles, but couldn’t stand it from the tap – just like me. Mad stuff really  and I only copped it when I said it out loud, ‘ah Niall, you’re a man after my own heart'” added a now terrified Martens, now protecting his chest with his hands.

Martens says there was a ‘flicker of recognition’ on Walton’s face, but even at this juncture he didn’t stop. There was only more things in common; more laughs, more hints that this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

“It was petrifying. He’d splash in the odd Simpsons quote here and there, proper obscure ones, there was just no stopping him – I was bellyaching and throwing jokes back his way. It was a terrifyingly easy and a laid back bonding session that I saw no way out of”.

“He just got me, I never stood a chance. I had to run away and escape from him in the end,” concluded Martens.