These Are The 126 Pubs Closed For Flouting Covid Guidelines, So You Know They’re Good For A Session
AS MANY as 126 pubs have been sanctioned by authorities for flouting Covid-19 related restrictions, prompting a shocked and appalled Irish public to carefully make a note of the pubs in question with a future session in mind.
Brazen pubs eagerly opening in defiance rules and guidelines are reasonably assumed to be the exact sort of location that would almost guarantee a say-nothing, balls-to-the-wall, no-holes-barred sessions for the ages. With this in mind WWN has reproduced a list of the pubs below:
The Spluttering Flute (denies closure was related to an STI cluster)
The Lob It Inn There Boss
Powdery Cisterns (Closed due to large busy queues for the toilets)
Alcoholics Synonymous
The Handmaid’s Ale
The Glassed Face (closed after selling a substantial meal for less than 9 euro)
Reelin’ In The Beers
What’s Another Beer (the Johnny Logan run pub was caught playing the football off a dodgy online stream)
The Withered Liver
An Ale Of Two Cities (the Kilkenny based outlet was closed on account of false advertising as Kilkenny isn’t a real city)
The Down Inn One
Craicatoa
Beer And Loathing In Belmullet
Hartigans & Sons (used to be ‘Sons’ up until Derek the youngest Hartigan got awful notions and married an English woman)
The Novel Tea Inn
The Haunted Potato
Father, Son & The Holy Spirits
The Are You Coming Inn Or Going Out, Make Up Your Fucking Mind Will Ye?
Scrotums Rest
Christie’s Marian’s (changed ownership after Christie’s ex got it in the divorce)
The Big Hairy Arms
The Merry Gowl
Did You Know This Was An Old IRA Pub?
Hulk Hogans’
Wanderly WAG Inn (closed over a number of highly maintained women began cat fighting)
No We Don’t Have A Fucking Phone Charger
The Arms Crisis
You’ve Got Ale
Feed The Pony
The Craic, Back & Sack
Seven Beers In Tibet (actually located in Tubbercurry, Sligo)
The Confession Box (comprising of only an old confession box and a priest for a barman, not strictly closed just moved to another parish)
Cape Beer
The Sunken Eyeball
The Soft Border
The Head On Inn (closed for failing to have a framed picture of the Proclamation on one of its walls)
The Head On Him Inn
The Hatchet Wound
The iPub
Shingles Inn
The Fall Inn (closed due to its insistence on staging singer-songwriter open mic nights)
The Burst Testicle
The Ossified Otter (closed after Gardaí discovered a lock-in which had been on the go since 1997)
The Awful Dose
Fliuch Sake
Knackers Yard
The Crying Step (closed after numerous underage teens found crying outside on step)
Yer Ma’s
The Vulture Fund
NAMA’s Tavern (closed for selling beer at a heavily discounted price)
The Tax Haven
The Rusty Crotch
Bag Of Yokes
Scuttering Davy’s
The Happy Barman (closed after a barman beat a customer to death for saying ‘when you’re ready’)
Go Dtí An Leithreas
Sticky Mickey’s
The Leaky Orifice
Direct Provision Inn
The Snarky Snug
Blow Inns Rest (closed for serving a family from Offaly)
The remaining offending pubs were made up of several O’Dwyers, a few Mulligans, a couple of O’Donohues and a smattering of Doyles and Murphys.