AS MANY as 126 pubs have been sanctioned by authorities for flouting Covid-19 related restrictions, prompting a shocked and appalled Irish public to carefully make a note of the pubs in question with a future session in mind.

Brazen pubs eagerly opening in defiance rules and guidelines are reasonably assumed to be the exact sort of location that would almost guarantee a say-nothing, balls-to-the-wall, no-holes-barred sessions for the ages. With this in mind WWN has reproduced a list of the pubs below:

The Spluttering Flute (denies closure was related to an STI cluster)

The Lob It Inn There Boss

Powdery Cisterns (Closed due to large busy queues for the toilets)

Alcoholics Synonymous

The Handmaid’s Ale

The Glassed Face (closed after selling a substantial meal for less than 9 euro)

Reelin’ In The Beers

What’s Another Beer (the Johnny Logan run pub was caught playing the football off a dodgy online stream)

The Withered Liver

An Ale Of Two Cities (the Kilkenny based outlet was closed on account of false advertising as Kilkenny isn’t a real city)

The Down Inn One

Craicatoa

Beer And Loathing In Belmullet

Hartigans & Sons (used to be ‘Sons’ up until Derek the youngest Hartigan got awful notions and married an English woman)

The Novel Tea Inn

The Haunted Potato

Father, Son & The Holy Spirits

The Are You Coming Inn Or Going Out, Make Up Your Fucking Mind Will Ye?

Scrotums Rest

Christie’s Marian’s (changed ownership after Christie’s ex got it in the divorce)

The Big Hairy Arms

The Merry Gowl

Did You Know This Was An Old IRA Pub?

Hulk Hogans’

Wanderly WAG Inn (closed over a number of highly maintained women began cat fighting)

No We Don’t Have A Fucking Phone Charger

The Arms Crisis

You’ve Got Ale

Feed The Pony

The Craic, Back & Sack

Seven Beers In Tibet (actually located in Tubbercurry, Sligo)

The Confession Box (comprising of only an old confession box and a priest for a barman, not strictly closed just moved to another parish)

Cape Beer

The Sunken Eyeball

The Soft Border

The Head On Inn (closed for failing to have a framed picture of the Proclamation on one of its walls)

The Head On Him Inn

The Hatchet Wound

The iPub

Shingles Inn

The Fall Inn (closed due to its insistence on staging singer-songwriter open mic nights)

The Burst Testicle

The Ossified Otter (closed after Gardaí discovered a lock-in which had been on the go since 1997)

The Awful Dose

Fliuch Sake

Knackers Yard

The Crying Step (closed after numerous underage teens found crying outside on step)

Yer Ma’s

The Vulture Fund

NAMA’s Tavern (closed for selling beer at a heavily discounted price)

The Tax Haven

The Rusty Crotch

Bag Of Yokes

Scuttering Davy’s

The Happy Barman (closed after a barman beat a customer to death for saying ‘when you’re ready’)

Go Dtí An Leithreas

Sticky Mickey’s

The Leaky Orifice

Direct Provision Inn

The Snarky Snug

Blow Inns Rest (closed for serving a family from Offaly)

The remaining offending pubs were made up of several O’Dwyers, a few Mulligans, a couple of O’Donohues and a smattering of Doyles and Murphys.