Science Dorks Ordered To Hurry Up With That Vaccine Already

THE immunology community have been told to dry their eyes about years of being ignored and under-funded and ‘make with the vaccine’ as quickly as possible, WWN can report.

With experts suggesting that Covid-19 restrictions will be in place until there’s a viable vaccine, the world’s attention has turned to hordes of geeks in lab coats and dorks with microscopes to sort this mess out; and patience is running out, fast.

“Hey, poindexters; quit watching Doctor Who or whatever and mix us up a vaccine, or you’re gonna be sorry,” said a specially-appointed bully, whose one job is to threaten scientists with wedgies and stolen lunch money if they don’t do as they’re told.

“You over there, you’ve been staring at that little dish of stuff under a microscope all morning; what did you learn? You’ve been doing the same thing for a month; how long does this shit take? I swear, if I don’t have a vaccine on my desk by this time next week, there’ll be noogies for all!”

To help speed the process up, each immunologist has been assigned a non-science person to stand behind them and constantly ask ‘is it done yet?’ until completion.