Nation Could Get Used To This Free Money Thing


THE IRISH nation has collectively gathered its thoughts in rare hive-minded action to conclude that everyone could get really used to this free money thing, with the concept of ever working again now 6 billion miles away, or that equivalent figure in euros.

Lazing out back in the warm spring air in its most comfortable pants, delighted with the 350 euros it received today as part of emergency social welfare income supplement, the nation cracked open another budget German store bought beer and contemplated life on the dole indefinitely.

“We should probably extend this lockdown to October at least,” the nation suggested, licking the Rizla skin of a very loose looking rollie before sparking it up, “we kind of missed the recession, now we think about it. I suppose it was a shock at the time, but this time we’re ready to enjoy this one and just finally relax after 12 years of ‘will we or won’t we’ bust or boom”.

Meanwhile, the nation’s landlords, many of whom availing of sizeable mortgage deferrals, have officially thanked the Irish government and taxpayers for the new social welfare income supplement, the majority of which is now destined for their questionable bank accounts.

“It’s great the little people are happy and that us landlords get to continue receiving those rents, as long as everyone is happy, sure what harm,” insisted one landlord we spoke to, now busy booking several high-end holidays for next year.

In one last request before it gets more beer from the shop, the nation has asked the government to skip all the boring Covid-19 stuff today and just let everyone know when the pubs reopen, thanks.