Bomb Squad Called After ABBA Orchestral Gig Found To Contain Absolute Bangers

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THOUSANDS of music fan homes are expected to be evacuated this coming February due to a series of suspected bangers being detonated at an ABBA Orchestral gig in the 3 Arena, WWN has learned.

Members of the Army Explosives Ordnance Disposal team have issued a red “absolute banger” warning to revellers attending the venue, ranging from medium range banger like ‘Super Trouper’, to more devastatingly impactful bangers like ‘Waterloo‘, and urged those in the arena to hydrate if they’re in the radius of such impactful music explosions.


“The shockwaves alone from a banger like ‘Fernando’ could leave thousands of people on their feet dancing like their lives depended on it,” bomb disposal expert Patrick Dregan told WWN, who went on to describe what to expect in the blast radius. “It will all start with an intense series of flashing lights, followed by large vibrations hitting the eardrums, all at the speed of sound – we wouldn’t have much hope for people’s dignity at this stage as they’re forced to bop along to the bangers”.

The bomb squad issued some telltale warning signs of the impending bangers, which include; foot tapping, out of time clapping and the inevitable decision to stand instead of sit during the gig, which could leave many people red faced upon watching themselves back on mobile phone footage later on.

“We also expect many desperate people to mime or even shout the words from the bangers back at the initial detonation point in the hopes of saving face, but it will already be too late, they will have by stage stage have succumbed to the bangers”.

Meanwhile, several senior Gardai have offered to attend the concert ‘just in case’, denying that they just want to see the show.

 

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