OUTSPOKEN Scandinavian upstart Greta Thunberg has finally realised that there’s more to life than relentlessly campaigning against climate change after striking up a relationship with a 17-year-old boy racer who drives around town in a heavily-modded, petrol-chugging 1998 Honda Civic.
Precocious Swede Thunberg proved herself to be a massive pain in the hole for world leaders recently, making passionate speeches about what she saw as the ongoing destruction of the planet for profit, and instigating a worldwide movement against capitalism and man-made climate change.
Unable to sway the tide of Thunberg’s international recognition for her environmentalism, capitalists and world leaders went on to hope that Thunberg would eventually succumb to her hormones and turn her attention to boys and pretty dresses.
“Once she met local bad-boy Erïk Vüsterberdën and his shit-hot hatchback, all her talk about carbon footprints went straight out the window” said a member of the G20’s Climate Change Denial Committee. “Last week she took a boat from Sweden to Brazil because flying was against her fossil fuel beliefs. This week, she’s in the passenger seat of the Honda doing donuts in a cloud of smoke outside an Ikea, before driving in a low gear to another Ikea just for the hell of it.
“I know we’ve spent millions trying to convince young people to not listen to Greta, but now we’d like to reverse that; listen to her, she’s finally making sense. Don’t worry about what the grownups are doing, go have fun, live life. There’s nothing to worry about!”
Thunberg was unavailable for comment as she also discovered that texting is fun and Big Macs are actually quite tasty.