New IRA Ordering Bombs From Wish.Com
THE FLEDGLING terrorist organisation known as IRA 2019 has claimed responsibility for a number of suspect devices posted to addresses throughout the UK last week, and have promised more to follow once their Wish.com order arrives.
Improvised explosive devices were sent to London and Glasgow in packaging that bore postage stamps and markings from Ireland, and authorities today revealed that they had received communications from dissident republicans who have claimed responsibility for the bombs, using the recognised IRA code phrase ‘It’s us, the IRA’.
Although all devices were rendered safe by UK security forces, the new offshoot of the classic Republican terror group have promised more to come once they get the requisite bits and pieces from China.
“We’re just a Young Start-Up, so we’re doing the best we can with what’s available to us” said a spokesperson for RA2K, obscured by a balaclava filter in a post on the groups official Snapchat.
“Today, it’s a battery and a few wires; soon, it’ll be a re-called Samsung phone with a full battery and the screen set to always on. And we’ll build up from there. You needn’t think any nonsense like ‘maybe it’s not the IRA sending these things through the post’. We’ve been hearing theories about how it’s fake news or some sort of false flag thing; nope, it’s really us, kicking off a campaign on the mainland again. We’re just… starting small, is all”.
Security forces in the UK have warned government officials to be careful when driving over the next few weeks, in case the New IRA graduate from tiny parcel bombs to egging cars.