Are Your Parents Safe Online?


KIDS! Do you know what your parents are up to when they go online? A startling new study shows that almost 100% of parents are exposing themselves to fake news, spam articles, endless clickbait holes and arguments with Russian spambots every time they surf the information superhighway… often to disastrous effects.

Concerned? You should be. Here’s a few pointers to help keep your old ones safe:

1) Talk to them

Rather than being critical of your parents online activity, it’s better to sit them down and just talk to them. Find out what they have been searching for online, and talk them through the things they have seen. Make them aware of the fact that what they post online is there forever, and encourage them to think before they make a comment on a Liberal dot ie post about how black taxi drivers are using fake Hailo accounts to steal wheelchairs from Old Folks Homes.

2) Don’t let them have access to the internet in their rooms

If your parents must have the internet, then it should be at a designated time, in a communal area of your home. Until they can be trusted not to sign up for an alt-right march posing as ‘Justice For Ireland’ or some shit like that, their internet access should be both restricted, and heavily monitored.

3) Be aware of their social media habits

Many old people can become angry and confused on social media, causing them to lash out at younger people and make total dicks of themselves. Although it may be a breach of the child/parent trust, you have a duty to take a sneaky look at their Facebook and Twitter accounts when they’re not in the room. Their password will be either the home phone number or the word ‘password’, so it shouldn’t be hard to do.

4) Explain to them that there are no Hot Russian Milfs in the area

They’ve lived in a bungalow down a boreen their whole lives, they know everyone in the parish. If there was a Russian Milf living just 1.4km away, she’d be in the kitchen having tea right now. Put the keyboard down, Dad.