Britain Definitely Not Sure Exactly What It Sort Of Doesn’t Want


THERE has never been a clearer declaration delivered by the collective will of the people then when people across Britain reaffirmed they’re definitely not entirely sure of the certitude of their desire for not sort of doing the kind of Brexit they fully might not want to not do.

While previously observers of the latest twists, turns, u-turns and parallel parkings of Brexit had claimed the motivations and actions of politicians and political parties had been hard to follow, yesterday’s proceeding went some way to clearing up things as MPs tried to secure a vote on Theresa May pulling a vote she was scheduled to lose on ratifying the Brexit deal essentially voted for in the Brexit referendum vote in 2016.

“Why are the EU doing this to us?” offered one Leave campaigning MP who couldn’t wrap his shit blonde ruffled head around why the EU forced Britain into voluntarily staging their own referendum, voluntarily lying to the public about what it was voting on, then voluntarily not preparing for leaving before voluntarily refusing to use any brain cells.

As yesterday’s scenes in the House of Commons helped to solidify, British politicians have never been closer to being further away from being within very close proximity to the outer limits of counter productive and highly agreeable scenes of the coalescence of disagreeable unifying disunity.

“I’m glad that’s all cleared up, because before it was explained like that to me I figured this was a massive clusterfuck that would be best described as a viral dose of hysteria being injected directly into everyone’s veins,” shared one casual Brexit watcher, who gave up laughing some time ago at British politicians’ inability to function.

Today saw Theresa May return to Brussels, bringing a clear as mud explanation to EU leaders for why the deal she helped formulate and agreed to weeks ago is now not what her government wants.

“Hi guys, it’s me again,” May said entering the room where EU leaders were waiting, “you’ll never guess what happened, it’s the funniest thing,” added May as she tried to explain just how unexplainable the colossal levels of fuckwittery currently happening in British politics are.