“It’s All A Load Of Bollocks” Pope Stuns Crowd At Papal Mass

Facebook Share Share
Twitter Share
Flipboard Share
Reddit Share
SHARES

SHRUGGING his shoulders in a dismissive motion, Pope Francis stunned crowds at Phoenix Park by diverting wildly from the traditional Catholic mass before giving it to pilgrims straight.

“It’s all a load of bollocks,” the Pontiff began in Italian which was translated to the crowd, leaving dozens of worshippers fainting where they stood, “seriously, if someone was in charge of this world they’d have intervened by now.

The Pope’s crackling voice continued to impart the belief that the religion which he presides over is complete and utter nonsense as dazed audience members covered their ears.

“I visited a shrine to Holy Mary in Knock this morning – a statue – when it clearly states in the commandments that we shouldn’t worship statues, figure that one out lads,” he added.

The Pope, now visibly tired and fed up with dealing with child abuse scandals and mistreatments by the catholic church, continued as his aides approached him in an attempt to remove his microphone.

“No, fuck this Giorgio, let’s just give it to them straight for once,” Francis barked, before throwing miniature prayer books at the gobsmacked crowd, “here, have some free shit – not that it any of it matters.

“You lot might as well be reading the Daily Mail and praying to Kanye West… I’m out”.

ONE MORE THING: Like what WWN does and think Satire (known in Ireland as 'taking the piss') is worth supporting as we face the threat of legal action, the permanently offended and 'Big Tech'?

We're not arrogant enough to think we make the world a better place (that's the job of megalomaniacal dictators) but a small contribution of €5/$5 a month from readers can enable us to keep doing what we're doing, and what's more is we'll give exclusive bonus content and offers to our supporters.

WWN's least favourite phrase in the English language is 'they only love you when you're gone' so help keep us going if you can.

Signing up is easy and done HERE.
Comments ( 1 )
Share what you think.
Facebook Share Share
Twitter Share
Flipboard Share
Reddit Share