Protestant Bus To Drive Wherever The Fuck It Wants This Weekend


A NUMBER of non-Catholic businesses and services have decided to flaunt the traffic and security warnings put in place for this weekend’s Papal visit, after pausing for a moment to consider the absurdity of the whole situation.

With public transport through the city centre set to devolve into utter madness as Pope Francis visits the capital over the next two days, one bus service which adheres to the Protestant faith has decided to just run as normal, providing a much-needed service to commuters who need to get places and who don’t really recognise Jorge Mario Bergoglio from Argentina as God’s representative on earth.

Buddhist taxi drivers will also operate a full service inside the Gardaí’s totally reasonable 30-mile traffic exclusion zone, and a number of agnostic haulage firms have agreed to ferry freight to pretty much anywhere their customers want them to.

“Ed Sheeran didn’t shut down the whole fucking city, and he’s about as relative to my business as the Pope is,” said Stewart Steward, owner of one of Ireland’s most prestigious Presbyterian motorcycle courier firms.

“We just looked at the situation and found it daft to grind everything to a halt to accommodate something that isn’t very important to Irish life anymore. The whole thing only has as much power as the people allow it to; so yeah, we could have stayed quiet and said nothing and just let the government and the Catholic Church bully us into nodding along like good little boys and girls, but we said no, fuck that. Quite frankly, more people should do the same. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get this consignment of biros to an office in Rathmines before three o’clock”.

Meanwhile, the majority of the country has decided to just stay quiet like good little boys and girls because after all, this is the Pope we’re talking about here.