It’s The DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)


Another commanding performance from Russia has left pundits who claimed they were rubbish with egg on their faces and fans with the gnawing feeling that ‘fuck, Putin is fixing the World Cup, isn’t he?’

The early kick off between Colombia and Japan continued a trend of upsets as Japan triumphed 2-1 after Colombian defender Sanchez had what is technically referred to in soccer as a brain fart when handling the ball in the box, giving away a penalty.

Sanchez’s sending off was the first of the World Cup, which begs the question wouldn’t all games you didn’t think you’d be interested in be better if there were a few sending offs guaranteed.

Colombia did equalise from a Quintero free kick as the Japanese wall jumped as high as they could seemingly playing a game of ‘the ball is lava, don’t let it touch you’.

The afternoon kick off brought a clash between Poland and Senegal and proved an entertaining affair but RTÉ viewers found it incredibly hard to focus on the game itself.

The match dominated by a canny Senegal side that capitalised on Poland’s cataclysmic clangers and capitulation, could not be enjoyed due to what was going on in the RTÉ studios.

Peter Collins, a legend in the half-time sport-chat game, was wearing a very formal suit, such as the ones you’d see at a Debs or a gangland funeral while Damien Duff and Richie Sadlier favoured the button downed work casual look.

“This is so, so, so wrong. The balance is all off, the clash of casual with the formal attire Collins insists on wearing. I can’t watch it, when it comes to the big game they’ve got their fashion tactics dead wrong,” confirmed one 3-hour long video analysis of the football analysis.

Senegal wrapped things up with a goal from Niang, who sprinted at great speed from the touchline to latch onto a poor Polish back into defence, he did not leap like a gazelle however, because fuck sake, are commentators still talking about African players like that?

In the evening kick-off hosts Mo Salah found it hard to singlehandedly beat a Russian side playing well, thus confirming something all Liverpool fans should have known already, Salah is the most overrated footballer in the world since Lionel Messi.

RTÉ rebounded in their coverage later on when Eamon Dunphy was unavailable to appear in studio and was forced to literally phone in his analysis via a pay phone, his extensive knowledge of all teams involved so far in the competition nearly as good as your 6-year-old football mad niece.

FIFA president Gianni Infantino was spotted out in Moscow shopping for brown envelopes stating ‘the ones I have are only A4 size and struggle to hold large volumes of paper, yeah it’s definitely paper’.