Here’s Some Important Information About Your Online Privacy That You Won’t Bother To Read


A NEW set of strict rules and guidelines surrounding the online policies of companies and websites has come into play, with serious implications for internet users which we couldn’t begin to explain because ugh, Jesus, the fucking effort like.

Following revelations of improper use of customer data by firms such as Facebook, firms are taking huge precautions to avoid fines under the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR), which will involve users clicking ‘agree’ to a whole new slew of terms and conditions without bothering to read them.

Like pretty much every customer agreement that has come before them, the new laws will be written out in incredibly dense legalese and act as a stopping point between you and pictures of your ex-girlfriend’s dog on social media, and as such maybe it’s just for the best if you scroll straight through them and hit ‘agree’ so that you can get your internet fix without freaking out.

“I got about as far as the first line and then tapped out,” said one Facebook user we spoke to, who regularly posts copied-and-pasted status updates that supposedly prevent Facebook from ‘stealing his datas’.

“Let’s just take it that there’s nothing bad in them, right? Like there’s no way that companies could get such a global wrist-slap over privacy and then just weasel their way around it, right? Besides, have you seen these T&Cs? There’s like 60 pages of this shit. Nope, not happening. I have arguing with strangers that I need to be getting to”.

Such is the dull nature of online security, only 2% of people who started reading this article have actually made it this far.