Lad From School Playing Poker Machine In Pub Full Time Now

DAVE, that lad from school who used to always give you dead legs when you least expected it is playing a poker machine in the local town pub full time now, WWN can reveal.

Now overweight and ageing terribly much to your perverse delight, the 39-year-old admitted to spending the majority of his time, and money, tapping buttons while his brain cells slowly decayed under the glaring light of the now outdated electronic poker machine.

“Won 90 quid the other day,” Dave routinely informs fellow customers at the other end of the bar, part-defending the noise of the tapping buttons cutting through the stale, silent air, while also blissfully unaware that no one would judge him for his addiction or indeed, intervene.

“I find it great for lifting the spirits,” he said, secretly referencing his 9 year long battle with depression, triggered after losing a loved one, his brother, if you remember it correctly, although you didn’t bother going to the funeral with the rest of your former classmates.

“Jaysis, the pints are going down well today, kid,” Dave confirms day in, day out, serving as a lovely boost to your confidence and sense of wellbeing on the days you catch sight of him ambling around town.

“Another one, Dave?” asked publican and main beneficiary of Dave’s disability cheque, Patsy O’Shea, before half-joking, “we’ll have to get ya another poker machine for the other hand”.

“Give me a pink snack as well,” Dave added, now throwing some more two euro coins into the machines empty black void, “I’m on a fucking roll here”.