9 Out Of 10 Irish Babies Born With Bono Intolerance


A NEW study has revealed that over 90% of babies born in the Republic of Ireland in 2017 were diagnosed with a pre-existing hatred of U2 frontman and saviour of the known world, Bono.

Experts in the field of genetic hatred have pointed towards the large amount of animosity among Irish people towards the legendary singer as one of the reasons why the current generation of Irish children automatically hate Bono from the moment they’re born, with the DNA trigger for disliking the Dublin man passing from mother to baby in the womb like nicotine, crack cocaine, or ginger hair.

More and more, Irish people are growing to hate Bono without any real reason or explanation as to why they feel the way they feel, pointing towards a time in the near future where every man, woman and child in the country just instinctively hate Bono, despite his numerous charitable endeavours and non-stop ambassadorial work for Ireland.

“Even if the child gestates in the womb of a woman who quite likes Bono, the residual Bono hatred hanging in the air will find its way into the bloodstream of the foetus”, said Dr. Larry Mullen, no relation to the U2 drummer.

“And the child will just naturally grow up to think the worst about Bono, no matter how catchy Elevation may have been. Take for example the current bullying allegation in ONE, Bono’s charity. An Irish person won’t look at that and say ‘there must be a few bad eggs in that organisation… no, they’ll immediately think ‘fuck Bono, that prick’. It’s genetic. They can’t help it”.

Meanwhile, the study has shown that most people think The Edge is fairly cool, despite the guitarist being equally or perhaps even more annoying than Bono.