“Husband Did It” Insists Mother Watching News

DETECTIVES investigating a years-old murder cold case in rural Waterford have sought the counsel of a random Leitrim woman who has insisted from day one that ‘the husband did it’ based on nothing more than that’s just what she thinks.

The death of Lisnan woman Cait McRian, who was discovered dead in her home in 2016, has so far given investigators very little to go on in terms of hard evidence, something that hasn’t stopped Leitrim mother-of-four Sheila O’Hamlin from cracking the case in seconds after seeing McRian’s estranged husband Declan on the TV and immediately determining that he must have killed his wife.

Eschewing statistics that indeed back up the amount of tragic domestic violence cases that have resulted in death, O’Hamlin has opted instead to base her assumptions on her initial knee-jerk reaction to Mr. McRian, as well as the fact that ‘that’s how it normally happens on TV’.

“Our painstakingly slow forensic examination and evidence-gathering process was cut way, way back by just taking to social media and seeing what random people were saying about the case,” said Sgt. Cian Keelan, on his way to arrest Declan McRian and throw him in jail without any form of trial.

“We saw a post from Sheila O’Hamlin, who doesn’t know the accused, the deceased, the area, the circumstances, or the details of the case, but who was still able to just state ‘the husband probably did it’. Well, what the fuck are we out here investigating the case for, when it’s just that simple? Lock him up lads, let’s take the weekend off”.

Ms. O’Hamlin has been applauded for her work in bringing the case to a close, and has been approached by the Irish media for a key role in all crime correspondence from now on.