This Exfoliating Skin Wash Will Kill Every Fish In The Ocean But You’ll Look Amazing So Fuck Them

GIRLS, are you ready for silky smooth skin, the eradication of 90% of all visible blackheads, and a noticeable glow and radiance in your face area?

If the answer to all these questions is ‘yes’ and you also are pretty ambivalent to the future of the marine life in our oceans, then we may have the perfect product for you!

Visage Du Mer Mort is an incredible new exfoliating skin scrub that blew away our expectations when we tested it over the course of the last month.

Containing 100% natural ingredients as well as hundreds of thousands of tiny little plastic beads, Visage Du Mer Mort left our skin feeling supple, cleansed, and completely oblivious to the dead fish that were showing up on our shores by the thousand, thanks to their own stupidity and insistence on eating everything that they find floating in the water.

Remember; if fish want to eat plastic microbeads, that’s their problem. You have an oily t-zone; that’s your problem. We have a solution to one of these problems, which one would you like it to be? The dead fish, or the dead-looking skin on your face? Thought so.

You can live the rest of your life safe in the knowledge that our oceans aren’t teeming with fish-killing microbeads, or you can look amazing. Do you really think a fish gives a fuck about you? No, they don’t. They want you to be as scaly as they are.

It’s you or the fish. Which is it going to be, eh?

This post has been sponsored by Visage Du Mer Mort, available in all good pharmacies.