“What If Jesus Had Been Aborted?”

In his latest column, Bishop Cornelius Byle, WWN’s resident priest and conscience expert, poses the question which is absolutely central and crucial to the reasoned debate on the factual matter of murderous mass genocide of children.

Good after morning to you all and welcome to my column. I must start off with an apology as in my last column, I may have suggested children born with certain afflictions had been punished by God for the sins of their parents which I realise now that, although I believe it deep within my heart, it’s not really helpful to me or certain debates currently to broadcast that opinion.

Now that my most sincere of apologies is out of the way I’ll just cut to the chase; what if Jesus had been aborted by you mentally deranged feminists? What then, huh? What. Then.

A ha, just as I thought. Cat got your disgusting tongue. Game, set and match, Bishop Byle.

Jesus, famously, was Jesus Christ himself. And what’s more he was once a baby. Additional moreness, he was also in Mary’s womb, ergo, you genocidal maniacs would have killed him.

I don’t need to labour this point obviously, but all experts accept that science and medicine have no place in the debate surrounding the health of babies when they are living inside the ticking time bomb of what we refer to notionally as ‘a woman’.

Now, soulless hell-bound cataclysms you tend to refer to as ‘my mother’, ‘my sister’, ‘my daughter’, ‘my partner’ or ‘my friend’ are asking you to vote in a referendum about whether or not we should vote to abort baby Jesus Christ. They can deny it, but it’s a fact. Just look at the factual ads in your newsfeeds and on posters which are not fear mongering. That’s such a twisting of what I’m doing, I’m doing something far more joyful, I am in fact terror-informing.

Cast your ears and eyes away from unhelpful terms like ‘facts’ and ‘truth’ and instead just concentrate on this; ‘what if Jesus had been born aborted?’ Since I’m not entirely sure where I’m going with this line of thinking, please consider this thought for a moment if you would be so kind; ‘no, seriously, what if Jesus had been aborted?’

I’ve been asked by sinful people why I’m so vocal about an issue like this, but so silent on Fr. Burrition who was moved from my parish after 20 years of…you know? Or about how the church ran Mother and Baby homes and allegedly sold children illegally and enslaved vulnerable women in workhouses? Or how there’s the odd harmless mass grave here and there. Or about how children outside the womb are treated? It’s all just very convenient nit picking.

And technically, people can ask those questions since the gardaí, possibly in league with the Devil, don’t consider that a crime apparently and just let them ask those awkward questions, willy nilly.

Now, please burn the contents of this electronic article immediately after reading it. Your bodily desires disgust me.