Nothing Of Importance Discovered In Cork, Confirms Waterford


WATERFORD residents have warned the rest of the country to refrain from listening to whatever it is Cork ‘thinks’ happened yesterday, reassuring the rest of Ireland that absolutely nothing of note was discovered in the Rebel county.

Cork, known for its tendency to exaggerate and lie, has admittedly had a troubled relationship with Waterford, a county it is jealous of, not least for the fact that Waterford is the site of the first Viking settlement in Ireland.

“Just ignore them, you know how they tend to go on and on boi,” Waterford explained to the rest of the country while grabbing Cork in a playful headlock before forcefully clamping its hand over Cork’s big, fat mouth.

Trying to speak despite being silenced, Cork appeared to say something along the lines of ‘earliest biking battle mints discovered by a fork’. Not wanting to speculate as to the mental well being of Cork, Waterford confirmed it would let Cork’s disjointed lunatic ramblings speak for themselves.

Making less and less sense and frankly frightening nearby children, Cork, breaking free from Waterford’s harmless grasp, made claims of ‘news reports’ and ‘archaeological digs’. Left with no choice, Waterford produced some duct tape and did what was necessary.

Have you considered visiting beautiful county Waterford, part of Ireland’s Ancient Southeast and home to the country’s earliest Viking settlement?