Fitzgerald’s Career In Tatters After Being Forced To Remain As TD, With Full Ministerial Pension


DISGRACED former Tánaiste Frances Fitzgerald is feeling the full force of the unforgiving nature of Irish politics after being voted as Fine Gael candidate in Dublin-Midwest once again by her party colleagues, WWN can confirm.

Showing no one is safe from consequences in Irish public life, Fitzgerald has been punished harshly with not resigning as a TD and retaining her full ministerial pension upon retiring.

“Frankly, everyone in the Dáil is panicking right now. What if they’re next? What if they have to face the incredibly soothing and calming music, and then pick up a pension and probably jump on a few boards once they leave,” shared an unnamed government minister who also entered falsehoods into the Dáil public record last week.

The Taoiseach was quick to admit his government’s error and heavily admonished Fitzgerald.

“She’s done nothing wrong, everything is fine, it’s not like there’s a pattern here. From the arrest of TD Clare Daly for no reason, the hounding of McCabe, the questionable resignations of two Garda Commissioners, to turning a blind eye to the legal strategy, to the Department of Justice withholding knowledge of these emails from the Charleton Tribunal. What exactly are people moaning about?” explained the Taoiseach in the Dáil while wearing a Justice for Frances t-shirt.

“I hope you’re all happy,” the Taosieach continued in his speech to the Dáil, “Frances was really worried there for a second that she’d have to suffer consequences for her actions or lack of action, like she was some commoner from the public. You frightened the life out of her”.