IRELAND have one foot in the World Cup after securing a thrilling edge of the seat 0-0 draw with a Denmark team that refused the free-flowing football Ireland is becoming synonymous with.
Critics have confirmed there is every hope Ireland v Denmark at the Aviva can be the Godfather Part II of World Cup playoffs, topping an almost perfect footballing feast the two teams treated the world to on Saturday. Sources close to the Irish camp, however have likened the second leg to Fast and the Furious 7 on speed.
Starting XI: Shane Long if given the nod upfront will be aiming to score his first goal since the advent of the industrial revolution in the 18th century. Wes Hoolahan has every chance of coming on in the last 5 minutes when we’re 2-0 down.
Tactics: Come on, you should know by now.
Your day at work: fairly unproductive, considering every second thought is ‘we’re going to the World Cup, we’re going to the World Cup, we’re going to the World Cup’. Not to mention the fact the green body paint covering your body is starting to stain through your shirt and suit.
Fans: As always the visiting Irish fans left an indelible mark on Copenhagen, as they had done in the Euros last year. However scuffles between Irish and Danish fans have already occurred in Dublin after some idiotic Danish fans tried some ‘banter’, by handing out hot meals to the city’s homeless and paying for their accommodation for the next month. “Fuck off, bantering is our national pastime,” confirmed one Irish fan as he beat up several Danes who had the temerity to try to go viral on an Irish clickbait site.
Shit, we’re starting to believe: COYBIG.
Flights to Moscow in June are actually decent enough price: just saying.
George Hamilton: if at any point during the match he utters ‘there’s something rotten in the State of Denmark’ in the event of a Danish defensive mishap, he will be legally obliged to compensate this publication to the tune of 7 million euro. It was our idea first.
George Hamilton: if we go up 1-0 at any point during the match, could you please refrain from saying shit like ‘Ireland are cruising here, and surely nothing stands in their way of World Cup glory. Absolutely nothing could go wrong’. We know you’re reading this George.
George Hamilton: seriously now, don’t take the piss, trying to jinx this.
Prediction: hope you already have your holidays booked off so you can make your way to the final in July.
Additional prediction: if Ireland take the lead in the first half, you’re likely to have a heart attack as we stick 11 men on the line for the remainder of the match.