Man Shot In Non-Posh Part Of Dublin


ONE, possibly two news crews have descended on a non-posh part of Dublin to report on a crime which hasn’t, at first glance at least, affected anyone paying the higher rate of income tax.

The fantastic news regarding the preservation of the important half of Irish society comes at the reasonable and low cost of someone from the non-posh part of Dublin, an area believed to be made up exclusively of heroin dens, losing their life.

The man, shot in the face, and in a postcode you’d do well to lock your car doors as you speed through it, is believed to have had a mother and father, but since he isn’t middle or upper class we’re not going to fact check that claim.

Areas such as Blackrock, Donnybrook, Rathfarnham, Dalkey and Ballsbridge were spared the indignity of a traffic jam resulting from gardaí closing off roads leading to the crime scene as the crime occurred somewhere in the west of Dublin probably, thank God.

“You pray something like this doesn’t happen in your area and then when you find out it hasn’t happened in your area,you just sort of switch off to it all,” confirmed one D4 resident, who can’t remember the last time someone important was killed.

UPDATE: Cabro. The non-posh part of the city that was affected was Cabro. Sorry, no, Cabra. Is that a place? We’re still undecided as to whether we’re going to clarify the victim was or wasn’t a raging serial killer drug dealer terrorist social welfare claimant.