IRELAND’S meteorological service Met Eireann has issued a nationwide bullshit warning as hundreds of ‘worst weather in 50 years’ articles emerge.
The annual barrage of poorly researched articles from reputable mainstream news publications is expected to surface this week as winter quickly approaches with its unusual winter-like weather.
“We expect every publication across Ireland and the U.K to carelessly repeat the exact same ‘worst weather in 50 years’ article as they did last year and every other year before that,” meteorologist Gerry Fleming explains, “they will probably use dramatic imagery of snow storms mixed with frightening keywords like ‘Arctic’ and ‘standstill’, with a little ‘pensioners to die’ phrase thrown in for good measure.
“Also expect some mentions of grit shortages and a possible hint that food and water supplies may be affected – basically a load of scaremongering copy and pasted bullshit from last year”.
The article headlines are expected to carry at least one or two uppercase words, like ‘MONTHS of heavy snow’ in a bid to generate maximum anxiety for the reader.
It is understood that references to past ‘big freezes’ from the 1950s and 1960s will also be referenced, along with the suggestion that global warming may be the exact cause.
Readers will be advised to stay indoors until the Spring, when the ‘hottest Summer in 50 years’ articles emerge.