“Jesus, They Didn’t Make Them Like You Back In My Day,” Confirms Middle-Aged Creep


A PERFECTLY acceptable incident unfolded at a Waterford local newsagents this lunchtime, during which a middle-aged man let a group of 6th year students know what he’d do to them if only he was their age as well, WWN understands.

Billy Vannon, an adult man in 40s, complimented a number of 17 and 18-year-old students in a queue for chicken fillet rolls, harmlessly pointing out that “Jesus, they didn’t make them like you back in my day”. Vannon followed up the comments that were only meant as compliments with a smile that could in no way be considered lecherous or disgusting.

“Surely that skirt is against school rules, it’s above the knee,” Vannon helpfully pointed out, fearful one of the students could well be punished by their principal.

Vannon’s continued shock at what passes for a uniform these days ensured he remained in one-sided conversation with the students for the entire duration he was in the queue.

“Do any of you have boyfriends? Wasting your time with boys, when what you need is a real man,” Vannon helpfully pointed out.

Proving that basic manners have gone down the drain in recent years, one disrespectful student took a picture of Vannon without his permission, prompting the salesman to scold the arrogant and rude youths.

“You’re lucky all the same you have camera phones,” Vannon confirmed, hoping his vague response didn’t make anyone uncomfortable.

Vannon left the premises some minutes later to return to his car and two young children, but not before remembering to look one of the students now congregating outside the shop up and down one last time.