Gardaí Surprised Their Illegal Mass Surveillance Of Public Not A Bigger Story


WITH the publication of a report by former chief justice John Murray relating to GSOC’s use of the Communications (Retention of Data) Act 2011 to identify journalists’ sources, it has been confirmed the State in breach of European law, however, the Gardaí have heaved a sigh of relief that no one seems to care.

“Huh, just look at that, you just never know with these things, do you?” mused Minister for Justice Flanagan, who figured at the very least he’d have to resign over this or the Gardaí would face fresh pressure to give in to reforms.

“Like it says it right there in the report, that it basically amounts to the mass surveillance of everyone in the country,” added a garda spokesperson, who can’t get his head around what constitutes a major scandal anymore.

“Falsify breath tests? They’re mad as hell. Gardaí can access all the electronic communications you have without a warrant? ‘Ah, you’re grand don’t worry about it’. I’m confused,” confirmed the garda spokesperson.

Flanagan, along with other government officials held several crisis meetings over the ongoing scandal, hoping to quell any clamour for further, wide scale investigations and at the worst, fallout that could lead to the collapse of the government.

“Turns out it was a massive waste of time, no one’s really all that fussed. Ha,” Flanagan said, the relief in his voice was clear as day.

Both the gardaí and the government confirmed the news was an opportunity to contemplate what they could really get away with if they tried in earnest.