Kate Middleton’s Womb Granted Restraining Order Against Daily Mail

IN harrowing testimony, read out by legal representatives of the womb, it was revealed that several Daily Mail journalists had tried to gain access to the Royal womb in increasingly disturbing ways.

“One Daily Mail journalist claiming to be serving ‘the public interest’ attempted to disguise herself as Prince William’s sperm in order to get exclusive pictures from inside the womb. While the journalist was not successful the act amounts to a huge invasion of its personal space not seen since the last three times Prince William got that look in his eyes,” confirmed the womb’s representative.

The Daily Mail had previously denied disguising itself as the St. Mary’s Hospital in a bid to deliver and film the birth of Princess Charlotte two years ago.

In documents obtained by WWN, the womb has contended that having a 100-strong team of paparazzi tasked with getting exclusive pictures of the moment the sperm fertilised the egg is ‘all a bit much, isn’t it?’

The Daily Mail, making their 4,103th appearance in court so far this year, maintained the defence that bringing a legal case against them was EU jihadist regulations gone mad and stated if trying to gain the exact measurements of Kate Middleton’s uterus and ovaries wasn’t journalism then the world too has also gone mad.