Designer Responsible For The Seat Upholstery On The DART Is Finally Arrested


INTERPOL agents in Antwerp have confirmed the arrest of designer Warren ‘Eyesore’ Enright today after a two decade long manhunt ended in a police standoff in the city centre.

Three streets were cordoned off as a special response unit surrounded Mr Enright’s 3 bedroom penthouse apartment, before firing tear gas into the building and storming the illusive 58-year-olds residence and arresting him.

Acting on an extradition warrant from 1997, Enright was brought to a nearby maximum security prison and charged with crimes against humanity after admitting to being behind some of the worst upholstery designs in the country, including those disgusting seats on DART train carriages.

“Eyesore was apprehended at 8:34am this morning in his awfully designed home,” chief arresting officer Marcus Pierre Mozart told WWN, “many of the arresting officers are still suffering from nausea after witnessing some of the worst designed bits of furniture, curtain, carpet and wallpaper they have ever encountered – the man is clearly ill”.

During the late eighties and early nineties, Enright was commissioned by Irish rail and Bus Eireann to design the material pattern for all their trains and buses at a cost of IR£5. 3mn.

Upon presenting the finished design to board members, Enright was told the design was too ugly to introduce and it actually induced vomiting and anxiety in the majority of people who viewed it. Promising to return with a more aesthetic concept, the already paid Enright made off with the money for the job and was never heard from again, leaving the transport companies no other choice but to implement the designs.

“Due to a contract clause, we had to go ahead and upholster all the public transport seats in their entirety,” former DART board member Paddy Curran explains, “we had no money left to change it as it was to last 25 years.

“If there is one thing I regret in my career is allowing this catastrophe to happen… when I think of all those poor people travelling on that thing for the past 20 years,” he said, before breaking down in tears.

On average 25,000 DART commuters every year are struck down with severe bouts of nausea caused by Enright’s design, with the majority of DART users claiming the green pattern gives them anxiety and actually puts them off using the line, even with warning signs advising people not to look at the seats being put in place in 2006.

“It’s like someone’s nightmare,” one DART commuter told WWN after hearing the news, “everytime I see those seats, they give me the willies.

“Hopefully that sick bastard will be locked up for good”.