Drogheda Water Leak Too Rural To Fix Quickly

THE Government has confirmed that a burst water main at Roughgrange which takes water from the River Boyne to the Staleen Water Treatment Plant in Drogheda is ‘too rural to fix quickly’ and advised the regions 70,000 residents to seriously think about moving a bit closer to Dublin if they want a decent service they can rely on.

Speaking before embarking on their two month Summer holidays, Government ministers urged citizens in Louth to remain calm as ‘Irish Water is doing everything they can to fix the leak’, and should be completed by the time they’re back from holidays in September.

“You’d swear it never rained in Ireland the way you people are carrying on,” a spokesperson for the government told WWN, “count yourselves lucky you don’t have to boil your tap water like other rural Irish areas have to do.

“You’ve had a good run of it with those 50-year-old lead pipes. Sure, don’t they have to travel miles in Africa every day just to get a jug?”

Irish Water crews have been on site since last week attempting to make the repair, while several silent Irish Water protesters looked on, mumbling ‘Irish Water out’, ever so slightly under their breaths in what can only be described as an air of defeat.

“Just as long as they don’t try sticking meter’s down again, I don’t mind,” said one bystander we spoke to, before adding, “Denis O’Brien”.

Meanwhile Gardai and Revenue swooped on several water laundering plants across the region, presumably erected by republican groups in a bid to take advantage of the situation, with sources claiming that 1 litre bottles of water are going for as much as 9 euros on the black market.