British Public Head To Polls To Exercise Democratic Right To Fuck Itself Over


THE BRITISH electorate head to the polls today in order to exercise their democratic right to fuck themselves over, a leading set of polling companies have confirmed.

The majority of pollsters are predicting a commanding win for PM Theresa May and her Conservative party despite the fact their campaign was a shopping list of items that would only punish voters with further cuts to essential services, and in the most worrying development, a commitment to trampling on basic human rights.

“The average voter was presented with the facts; the NHS would suffer, education would suffer, community supports would suffer, tax breaks for wealthy companies, and judging by the data we have, they’ve said ‘yes please, I’ll some of that’. They’re masochists of the most deranged variety in my humble opinion,” confirmed BritGov pollster Daniel Shilling, who hoped against hoped his latest attempt to predict an election outcome would be as completely shit as the last time.

With myriad concerns about how Jeremy Corbyn would cope with EU negotiations and the increased security threats Britain faces, the electorate looks set to choose May, feeling safe in the knowledge they ‘know what they’re getting with her’.

“She’s fucking clueless on Brexit and security, she’s down right irresponsible, but at least I know that. Whereas with Jez, the papers tell me he’ll strangle my wife and kids and piss on my car, you just can’t take the risk,” confirmed one voter, who will be livid with himself inside of 6 months.

If Theresa May is to triumph as expected, hundreds of thousands of people will likely be openly proud at having fucked over the majority of their fellow citizens.