Public Informed GAA Is Still Perfect & Untouchable Despite Failed Drug Tests
AS NEWS spread yesterday of an inter-county GAA footballer failing a drugs test, the GAA has confirmed that the treasured national sports association are still perfect, and there are no areas or aspects which could be improved in any way.
“Don’t even try it,” confirmed the GAA when members of the public queried why the failed drugs test, given in April 2016, was only coming to light now.
Helpfully, someone from the GAA community pointed out this was very different to the failed drugs tests you get in soccer, which is only played by scumbags who bring shame upon their families with every kick of a ball.
“Sorry, we’re still going to act like we’re untouchable. And we’ve enough people willing to keep every potential scandal under wraps, so go on, yiz can all fuck off back to whatever you were doing,” added a spokesperson for the GAA’s Everything Is Fine Unit.
Kerry footballer’s Brendan O’Sullivan’s positive test was deemed “unintentional” by Sport Ireland and comes two years after Monaghan’s Thomas Connolly tested positive for a banned steroid.
Elsewhere, county boards confirmed they have updated the rules governing their own players’ actions and behaviour, confirming that if anyone is a ‘good lad’ or ‘dedicated’ they can be absolved from any responsibility for a variety of misdemeanours including ranging from swearing at the ref to murder.