Dr Peter Boylan Resigns From Board Of National Maternity Hospital After Exorcism Fails

THE former Master of the National Maternity Hospital, Dr Peter Boylan, has taken the decision to resign from the board after an emergency meeting was held yesterday evening at which several members of the board attempted to exorcise a demon from him, WWN can reveal.

“Ah, sometimes exorcisms don’t take, the demon is still in there,” a representative of the Sisters of Charity said of Dr Boylan, who disputes such claims, “but look, this can happen in exorcisms from time to time, someone starts speaking nonsense like ‘separation of Church and State’, ‘Irish women and their health must surely come before the church in the 21st century’ or ‘surely there is a better solution’ and there’s just no stopping it.”

“When the Devil is in possession of you, saying awful things like that, the only option is to resign really, ‘cus we’re certainly not going to listen to that sort of stuff,” added the representative, who admitted to looking for the numbers ‘666’ on the flesh of most people who expressed an opinion that went against the Church.

Dr Boylan had made headlines in recent days for his opposition to a religious order being placed in charge of a new National Maternity Hospital planned for a site at St. Vincent’s Hospital, sparking fears that Satan himself was controlling and communicating through one of the country’s most experienced and respected obstetricians.

Concerns have been raised by several people as to the way some of the board has reacted to Dr Boylan’s recent comments, stating that dousing him in Holy water and quoting passages from the Bible may have been a step too far.

Speaking to RTÉ’s Morning Ireland, the Lord Mayor Brendan Carr, who attended the meeting, claimed that he “thought the attitude of some of the senior people in the board last night towards the very real concerns that the public have was astonishing – that there was no consideration whatsoever given to the many concerns that have been raised in the media over the last number of days”.

“I think it was done in a very intimidatory and bullying way, and that’s my opinion.”

However, a spokesperson for members of the board have confirmed that you don’t question the Church. Especially in public. Ever.