“Why Haven’t You Paid Your Mortgage Off Yet, You Waste Of Space?” Ask AIB Couple


A COUPLE at the centre of a heartwarming advertisement campaign for a bank bailed out by the public have expressed their confusion as to why so many people haven’t paid their mortgages off, WWN can confirm.

Yer man and your one, from the telly, have in recent months formed the central plank of AIB’s campaign to make applying for, being approved for, and spending 30 plus years paying off a mortgage look like ‘a piece of piss’ according to finance experts.

“AIB told us everyone who signs up for a mortgage, gets a storybook, picture-perfect ad made about them. We didn’t know we’d be the only ones who could actually pay it off,” shared the male half of the couple, still confused as to why no one else’s ad has been played on TV and in cinemas an average of 40,000 times a day.

“Seriously though, can someone ask AIB why no one else has paid off their mortgage, it’s the easiest thing anyone can do. Or is it not this easy for everyone else?” the dismayed mustached man added, shocked to learn that banks don’t turn up to every customer’s house to project massive images of happy family memories on a load bearing wall.

The public has apologised to the couple for any involuntary outbursts of resentment toward them, explaining that the source of their frustration actually lay with the banks pretending the last few years never happened.

“Shush now, look at the lovely story, and the play we’ve made for your hearts. That’s it, forget about all the important things like how we’ll hound you for years and years once the arse falls out of this property boom that we’re not allowed to call a boom. 100% mortgages? What were they? Never heard of them. Yes, that’s it, ignore the tiny small print we put in the corner, it’s not important,” confirmed a spokesman for Irish banks’ Ah Isn’t Owning A House Only Lovely propaganda division.

Despite some people’s negative reactions to the ads, coming at a time when home ownership is at its lowest since 1971 in Ireland, banks show no appetite for returning to the style of Celtic Tiger era ads which simply depicted sexy first time buyers riding on piles of cash over and over again.