“Got A Light?” The Leading Cause Of Marriages In Ireland
A RECENT study by the Institute of Research & Studies Into The Study of Research & Studies (IRSISRS) discovered that the leading cause of marriages in Ireland is the phrase “got a light?”
Some 90% of marriages can be directly linked back to the moment someone asked another person for a light for a cigarette, which in reality was a thinly veiled ploy engaged with the sole purpose of starting up a conversation.
“It’s fascinating really, but it seems the vast majority of people who go on to marry one another met in a smoking area,” Dr. Claus Gimple, lead researcher at the IRSISRS shared with WWN.
“They say ‘got a light’, but it seems the other party is aware that this can mean so much more such as ‘fancy having sex with just each other for the rest of our lives’. ‘Got a light’ is streets ahead as the leading cause of marriage just ahead of doing it for a bet, and marrying an aging billionaire for the money”.
Irish people, predisposed to being terrible at declaring their feelings, have for centuries taken to smoking areas in pubs, clubs, restaurants, cafes, bus stops, jujitsu dojos and outside office buildings in the vain hope of finding someone to love them. However, in the absence of being able to articulate the fact that it would be great not to live and die alone, “got a light?” is used to start conversation briefly, before attempting to kiss someone.
“I honestly don’t know where I’d be without ‘got a light?’ I wouldn’t have met Sarah anyway, that’s for sure,” explained married man Kevin Canning, a non-smoker who met his non-smoker wife in the smoking area of a nightclub at 3am.
“I had been going to that same smoking area for 6 years, asking women for a light and I’d had a few close calls or ‘almosts’ but then Sarah said yes one night to the question and instead of smoking we just scored the face off each other and got married, had kids, bought a house the following week”.