WWN’s Horoscopes
aries
21 March – 20 April
![](https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/wp-content/plugins/wwn-quiz-plugin-v0.58/img/hs/aries-tb.gif)
Your stupid kids forgot to buy their mother something for Mother’s Day! C’mon lads, you’re nearly 2.
taurus
21 April – 21 May
![](https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/wp-content/plugins/wwn-quiz-plugin-v0.58/img/hs/taurus-tb.gif)
You spend the morning inviting 700 Facebook friends to an event. They’ll love that!
gemini
May 21 – June 20
![](https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/wp-content/plugins/wwn-quiz-plugin-v0.58/img/hs/gemini-tb.gif)
Don’t get a Big Mac again, get the quarter pounder instead. Live a little.
cancer
June 21 – July 22
![](https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/wp-content/plugins/wwn-quiz-plugin-v0.58/img/hs/cancer-tb.gif)
You make €1,400 gouging people for Electric Picnic tickets online. They wanted tickets, you wanted money… no need to feel bad. Everyone wins.
leo
July 23 – August 22
![](https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/wp-content/plugins/wwn-quiz-plugin-v0.58/img/hs/leo-tb.gif)
Calling them ‘graphic novels’ instead of comics doesn’t make you any less of a fucking nerd.
virgo
August 23 – September 22
![](https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/wp-content/plugins/wwn-quiz-plugin-v0.58/img/hs/virgo-tb.gif)
You make a decision to be the ‘sassy’ one in your group. You’re so sassy! Everyone loves you. Keep it up.
libra
September 23 – October 22
![](https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/wp-content/plugins/wwn-quiz-plugin-v0.58/img/hs/libra-tb.gif)
Everyone thinks you fell asleep at a party and someone drew a dick on your face, but in reality, that’s a dick you drew yourself. You just love dicks. Big fan.
scorpio
October 23 – November 21
![](https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/wp-content/plugins/wwn-quiz-plugin-v0.58/img/hs/scorpio-tb.gif)
It’s not as warm as everyone thinks it is. Be sure to remind them of this the minute you see them.
sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
![](https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/wp-content/plugins/wwn-quiz-plugin-v0.58/img/hs/sagittarius-tb.gif)
A YouTube tutorial video finally clues you in on this whole ‘one leg at a time’ method of putting on your trousers.
capricorn
December 22 – January 19
![](https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/wp-content/plugins/wwn-quiz-plugin-v0.58/img/hs/capricorn-tb.gif)
You’re disappointed to learn that chopping off someone’s head doesn’t give you new powers like in Highlander.
aquarius
January 20 – February 18
![](https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/wp-content/plugins/wwn-quiz-plugin-v0.58/img/hs/aquarius-tb.gif)
You’re running out of excuses for not playing 5-a-side. What’s it this week? Leprosy?
pisces
February 19 – March 20
![](https://waterfordwhispersnews.com/wp-content/plugins/wwn-quiz-plugin-v0.58/img/hs/pisces-tb.gif)
Nobody wants to talk to you about how damp the ground is.