Mourinho To Play Handy Excuse For Defeat Up Front Against Chelsea

UNITED manager Jose Mourinho is set to play Marouane Fellaini up front against Chelsea as his team is rocked by injury and the suspension of Zlatan Ibrahimovic, thus providing Mourinho with the perfect excuse in the event of a loss.

“If I win, I win because I’m genius, I’m the big man, special once again. If I lose, I lose because we suffer the greatest casualty list since World War I,” Mourinho explained in his pre-match interview in which he outlined his post press conference interview tactics.

“I feel after full time, after first reporter’s question I will play offensively. Talk about how it’s not Fellaini’s fault he was born made only of elbows, but he is no striker so I am Picasso without his paints, I am Ed Sheeran without guitar; without the tools for my genius to flourish,” Mourinho outlined.

With all possible front men at United currently injured, Mourinho has an embarrassment of riches in terms of options for handy excuses as to why one of the most expensive squads in the history of football remains 6th, and have made little progress since last season.

This evening’s quarter final tie places Chelsea as favourites, however, man United fans remain hopeful that if Fellaini is injured in the warm up and replaced by an 8-year-old competition winner who has never kicked a ball before in their life, their team’s chances of victory will improve greatly.