Microsoft To Hire 600 People More Qualified Than You, Ya Waste Of Space


A HUGE jobs boost for Ireland this morning as Microsoft confirmed they will hire 600 more people that are in all likelihood more qualified than you, ya waste of space.

Those seeking to switch careers, gain full time employment or take that next step on the career ladder are invited to apply for one of 600 positions, the bulk of which will be as part of Microsoft’s inside sales team. However, it is understood the tech giant aren’t so keen on you, so best not waste their time.

“Come on now, a company like Microsoft and schlub like you? I just don’t see it,” you were told earlier today by that voice in your head.

Employment experts have probably pointed out that while the positions are not in the software engineering field, you are still advised not to waste people’s time owing to the fact you are a waste of space.

“They’re probably looking for real go-getters, that’s not you buddy,” the voice added, growing louder, “you slept in ’til 3pm last weekend and had a 4 Curly Wurlys for breakfast, let’s not kid ourselves okay? You’re not Microsoft material,” the voice concluded, ignoring all the reasons why you should apply.

The voice also compelled you not to write a cover letter for your CV should you think about applying for any of the available jobs as someone far more capable than you has already done so.