JK Rowling Arrested For Destroying Someone On Twitter


“FOR every ‘epic burn’ Miss Rowling carries out, she leaves behind a charred corpse. This cannot continue and we are glad she is behind bars,” Det. Roland Rogers told the media outside a New York court.

Entering a defiant ‘not guilty’ plea as she addressed the judge earlier this morning, successful author and screenwriter JK Rowling denied all charges of destroying an unnamed individual on popular social media site Twitter.

The prosecution, in its opening statements drew on work from numerous journalists, all employed at trusted news outlets who alleged Rowling routinely destroyed and owned people while engaged in a Twitter-based war.

Thousands of witnesses to Rowling’s crimes, retweeted her destruction in an attempt to spread the news of her actions and are expected to give evidence in the coming weeks.

“I was destroyed by her, I’m glad something is finally being done about it,” shared one London based twat, who shared his story on the condition that WWN wouldn’t refer to him as a red-faced, bargain bin tomato impersonator.

Police involved in building a case against Rowling have detailed attending scene after scene of obliteration and destruction, and have had strong words to say about the public’s own participation in such crimes.

“Destroying someone is no laughing matter. Owning someone online is technically slavery, and don’t even get me started about slaying, it’s awful,” Det. Rogers added.

The trial continues.