Government Climb Roof Of Dáil, Begin Flinging Slates At Everyone


IN unprecedented scenes, several members of the current government have climbed onto the roof of Leinster House, where they began to tear off slates and masonry which was then thrown at passing members of the public as well as the assembled media.

After reacting angrily to an ongoing debate surrounding a motion of no confidence in the wake of the whistleblower scandal, a visibly furious Enda Kenny rallied his party members against the opposition with a rousing “fuck this, and fuck the lot of you”, before leading them up a fire escape to the roof to “really kick off”.

Perhaps knowing that the Tulsa/An Garda Síochána debacle and confusion around the government’s knowledge of it is one scandal too far, Kenny appears to have decided to go out on his own terms.

Eyewitnesses say the Taoiseach is currently yelling obscenities at the public from the roof while Leo Varadkar and Simon Harris drape a crude “we’re not coming down” banner over the front of the government building which was written with tippex on some torn up curtains.

“It’s the last stand, and they know it,” said one onlooker, narrowly avoiding a bit of a slate thrown by Frances Fitzgerald.

“Fine Gael are finished in this country. Well, for at least an election of two. But for now, they’re about to go to a general election that they know they can’t win, so this is just them lashing out. I have to hand it to them, I would have never thought Michael Noonan would be able to throw a chimney pot this far”.

Attempts are being made to talk the government down from the roof, with huge pensions and perks being offered if they just go quietly.