Hooded Fianna Fáil Members Meet To Discuss Best Time To Seize Power Again


BENEATH the foundations of a building in an undisclosed location in Dublin’s city centre, members of Fianna Fáil have gathered together in robes to determine the perfect time to retake power in Ireland, WWN has learned.

“The children’s hospital budget looks to be spiralling out of control, maybe we could piggy back on that and pretend we care,” one figure, their face obscured by their hood offered, causing faint murmurs of discussion to ripple around the room.

“Yes, I agree and we can pretend dear leader didn’t set up the HSE, and that he now has all the answers, we just need the souls of 5 or 6 more Independent TDs and power will be ours,” another figure added, bellowing from a dark corner before cackling with unconfined delight.

A number of members of Ireland’s largest opposition party then stepped forward, brandishing knives in their hands. Raising their right hands in unison, they took the knives and cut into their flesh, allowing their blood to leak into a chalice.

Turning to face a large portrait of a brown envelope, the cloaked figures began chanting ‘we give you this offering so that you may return, we give you this offering so that we can earn’.

“Eh, well, would there, eh, em, be room for eh, another return of eh, someone eh, else?” another figure, caged up in the corner asked the chanting masses to no reply.

The room returned to silence when a man entered carrying a lengthy scroll.

“Fuck sake, lads, not even 30% in the latest poll, we’ll have to wait a while yet,” the man shared to groans of disappointment.