La La Land’s Oscar Hopes Dashed After Scathing Review From Waterford Man


DESPITE receiving a joint-record 14 Oscar nominations yesterday, stirring and melancholic musical La La Land may have to abandon all hope of taking home any golden statues after one influential critic labelled the movie ‘a bag of shite’.

Waterford man and tri-annual visitor to the cinema, Kevin Bollin’s scathing review of the movie, in the form of an angry Facebook status, garnered 2 likes late last week and is set to sway the Oscar voters in favour of La La Land’s awards rivals.

“Yeah, it was shite,” confirmed Bollin, who was in no way bitter about the way his girlfriend Karen Drummond hid the fact the movie was a musical from him when making an argument in favour of seeing it instead of Split last Friday.

Sources close to the movie’s producers have confirmed they are devastated by the review and the effect it will have on the film’s standing in Hollywood.

“Shit, you mean the Kevin Bollin? We’re going to have to cancel our post-Oscars party now,” one producer is alleged to have said to sources.

“Bored the hole off me boi, the singing and the dancing and Karen said it was wall to wall female nudity, I thought La La Land was the name of a strip club or something. And what’s with women and Ryan Gosling, Karen was making awful weird noises every time he came on screen,” Bollin’s review concluded, shifting the Hollywood awards season momentum in favour of Fences, Hacksaw Ridge, Hidden Figures and Manchester By The Sea.