Drug Dealers Announce Last Postal Dates For Sending Gear Before Christmas

KEEN to avoid disappointing both regular and seasonal customers, the Nation’s thoughtful drug dealers have issued their annual Christmas warning stating that if you’re planning on getting ‘fucked up over the festive season’ now’s the time to get your orders in.

For those customers who prefer not to meet their drug dealers face to face as it can really hit home for them that they are in part funding the violent drug trade, opting to have their items sent to them in the post can provide a certain degree of distance and comfort.

“Every year we have lads saying ‘why didn’t you tell us’, but we’re blue in the face issuing public warnings and notices,” explained one drug dealer who wouldn’t exactly call himself a drug dealer as he only sells weed, pills and cocaine.

“Can’t be clearer on this. Order now to avoid disappointment. We can send them out by Friday, any later and we can’t guarantee they’ll arrive in time for your Christmas party or annual drinks with the other parents at your kids’ school,” added the dealer.

An Post has confirmed the deadline is fast approaching, with drug dealers themselves urged to send out their product as early on Friday as possible, making sure to bubble wrap all items.

The Nation’s dealers also reassured customers that the ongoing violence and deaths in the competitive industry would have no impact on trade or supply.