Inquiry Launched As Smashed Pint Glass In Pub Receives No Sarcastic Cheer


THE GOVERNMENT has used emergency powers to launch an immediate and wide ranging inquiry into reports that a pint glass was accidentally smashed by bar staff in a Waterford pub but no one in attendance raised a sarcastic cheer.

“This is the cornerstone of our culture, the bedrock of civil Irish society,” the Taoiseach explained on the steps of Leinster House this morning, sharing the troubling news that Waterford pub The Rusty Jocks bore witness to a terrifying ‘anti-Irish’ occurrence, “cheering after glass shatters on the floor of a pub is as Irish as ham and cabbage and voter apathy”.

News of an inquiry was greeted warmly by a shocked public, with many auld lads at the end of bars volunteering to take part in the investigation.

“They say you can lose the soul and essence of a Nation in a fleeting, seemingly small, inconsequential moment, well here it fucking is folks. What pathetic excuses for Irish men and women were in that pub last night at all,” livid elderly man Tommy Cranley shared with WWN.

Some online news outlets had claimed that perhaps the barman who dropped the pint was in an empty pub at the time, which could explain the absence of a sarcastic jeer. A claim rubbished by many an Irish pub expert.

“Nonsense, sure if a pub is empty, there will always be someone passing by who hears it, and then cranes their neck in around the door, to slag the clumsy fucker. This is Ireland, not some cannibalistic wasteland,” Rusty Jocks regular Vincent Clarkin added.

The inquiry is said to also include a disturbing incident in Dublin when a barmaid ironically cheered herself as she smashed a glass, something which frowned upon in Irish pubs.