Patients Most Dangerous In Winter When They’re Dying Off, Warn HSE

THE HSE has forwarded a warning to hospitals across the country to be vigilant as they enter the winter months, as patients are dying off and are more likely to lash out in anger.

As the weather gets colder and resources become scarce, the death rate in older and more vulnerable patients tends to skyrocket, leaving just the younger and more capable workers and drones to survive until the spring.

Although plenty of patients die on trolleys and on waiting lists during the summer, it has been proven that they tend to kick up more of a fuss during the winter, and will launch stinging attacks on those around them; sometimes doctors and nurses, but mostly at the HSE itself.

“I thought it was just that the numbers of patients increases during the winter, made it seem like they were more vicious… but no, they actually do get angrier as they die,” said Minister for Health Simon Harris.

“Anyways, be careful if you’re visiting a hospital for any reason, or if you’re a TD working in an area where cuts have closed hospitals or undermined services. I personally won’t be going near a hospital until April at the earliest”.

Harris went on to add that if a member of the public should see a patient dying in a hospital, to try and give them a saucer of sugary water or something.

“It couldn’t hurt”, said Harris.