Waterford Mother To Spend The Day Reading The Death Notices

A WATERFORD CITY resident is to spend what remains of the day closely studying the death notices in a number of local and national newspapers, WWN can exclusively reveal.

Assumpta Drury, a mother of four, has been glued to the pages of 14 papers despite her eldest daughter Ciara’s insistence that she should get out of the house and do something fun.

“We could grab a coffee or look it, I’ll drive us out to Tramore or something, have a lovely walk, what do you say?” Ciara pleaded with her mother, despite being aware that it was no use.

“Aw God, you knew the Kavanaghs didn’t you? Aw, lovely family. The eldest, Conor with the brown hair, did he go to your debs or you to his? Anyway, taken hostage by Isis in Iraq, killed dead. Awful stuff,” the 69-year-old matriarch informed her daughter, detailing the death of someone Ciara had never heard of before.

Ciara once again broached the subject of doing something other than chronicling the dead, but Assumpta pointed out she had yet to read about any of the newly deceased Protestants in the Irish Times.

“Ugh, rotten luck, Mairead Tracey bit the dust, so she did. Met her for the first and only time in 1989 at Fergus Keane’s funeral mass, lovely woman. Killed in some S&M action gone wrong, it seems. No flowers apparently,” Assumpta explained, lost in the intoxicating experience of knowing she has outlived another person.