“Thank Fuck 80% Of Rentals Beyond Housing Benefit Limits”, Landlords Agree


THE country’s landlords have expressed considerable relief after hearing the news that some 80% of properties are out of the reach of people who qualify for housing benefits, WWN can confirm.

“Oh thank Christ, them lot have a habit of wrecking places and driving down the value, typical really,” confirmed landlord and proud owner of a 17ft sq shithole that could collapse at any moment, Cormac Henley.

A survey carried out by the Simon Communities showed that just 102 of the 518 properties surveyed would be within reach of people availing of either the Rent Supplement scheme or Housing Assistance Payment.

“What better way to celebrate such good news than by indiscriminately upping the price of my flats by €200 a month for no justifiable reason,” confirmed another landlord, Jessica Cassey.

“I think all landlords would like to thank Simon for conducting the survey, it just puts us at ease knowing we’re effectively pricing the great unwashed out of the living in a home market,” Cassey added.

It is believed measures put in place by the government earlier this year to help tenants have made, according to experts, ‘fuck all difference’.