Waterford Woman Hospitalised After Jumping To Conclusion


A LOCAL Waterford woman is believed to be seriously injured after jumping to conclusions, WWN has learned.

Sheena O’Rahily, a 34-year-old mother of two, suffered the injuries while observing heavy pedestrian traffic outside the house of a neighbour early yesterday morning.

O’Rahily, who often jumps to conclusions without suffering any damage, caught sight of a number of men entering the house across the road, and surmised that its occupant Deirdre Kelly, a married woman, must be having a number of affairs.

“Shortly after 11am, when a workman, believed to be installing a new Sky box was seen entering a neighbour’s house, Mrs. O’Rahily made a huge leap, concluding that her neighbour was conducting affairs in full view of the street. The conclusion reached, involved jumping a great distance and thus shattered a number of Mrs. O’Rahily’s bones,” Dr. Edmund Price shared with reporters outside Waterford Regional Hospital.

O’Rahily is expected to make a full recovery, but will spend several months in hospital.

Doctors fear the woman’s absence from her home as she recovers could spark a jumping to conclusions epidemic amongst her own neighbours with many presuming O’Rahily has run off with the post man.

“Daredevil busybodies such as Mrs. O’Rahily rarely think of the consequences or the risk of injury and we’d caution others to learn from her mistakes,” added Dr. Price.

The number of people hospitalised so far this year for jumping to conclusions has reached over 1,000, with doctors continuing to warn people to resist the urge jump with little or no evidence to back up their opinions or claims, with a special warning issued to people automatically presuming their new ‘Middle Eastern-looking’ neighbours are in league with ISIS.