It’s The DWWNECRU (Daily WWN Euro Championships Round Up)
WWN brings you all the latest action from Euro 2016, including 4,567 new videos of Irish fans singing songs over the last 24 hours.
England are through to the next round of Euro 2016 after a 0-0 draw against Slovakia, the game saw Roy Hodgson’s side desperately try to score but were limited by a negative opposition. Slovakia were criticised by England for their display, but the Slovaks defended themselves by confirming UEFA granted them planning permission for construction of a wall on their 18 yard line which made it nearly impossible to get shots on goal.
Russian hooligans have realised they may have been beating up the wrong people at the tournament all along after watching yet another pathetic performance from their team, this time against Wales. It is believed the entire Russian football team will seek political asylum in France in order to avoid having to explain themselves to the Kremlin.
Many fans and teams have complained that the expanded 24-team tournament has made it difficult to decipher which teams will go on to play one another in the knockout stages.
England and Wales will find out who they play in the first knockout round after the remaining groups play out their matches. Once that has happened the names of teams will be placed in the right shoes of UEFA executives who will then be sent on trains to various parts of France. Each team will receive a call to collect the UEFA executive from the train station and wrestle him to the ground, taking his right shoe off. If they fail to do this within 6 hours, they will be eliminated from the competition.
Gareth Bale took a step closer to being the tournament’s top scorer after his goal against Russia, but the Real Madrid man was on the receiving end of a strange request from a club teammate.
Ronaldo, who has yet to get off the mark at the Euros, pleaded with Bale in an emotional pre-match press conference to donate one of his goals to Portugal’s star man.
Northern Ireland who have achieved something Ireland have failed to do so far, win at the tournament, seek to achieve something Ireland have actually managed to do; absolutely destroy world champions Germany in a majestic Barcelona-esque performance.
Ukraine are hoping a particularly awful performance from them against Poland will see them secure the title of worst team at the Euros, snatching the title from current holders Russia.
The 8pm kick-offs tonight see Turkey face off against Czech Republic and Spain play Croatia. Football enthusiasts are warned not be masturbate excessively while watching Andres Iniesta’s performance.
John Delaney has refused to be drawn into conversations about how the FAI’s lack of a longterm plan for Irish football is a shameful indictment of his tenure with the association. Rebutting the claims, it is believed Delaney said “would you lot ever stop moaning, I thought I bought you a few pints, isn’t that enough?”